Archive for the ‘Florida’ Category
Florida is characterized by beer distributors and wholesalers as ‘a light lager crowd’, or a major-brand-preferring consumer base, much the same as the general beer-drinking populace of North America. Although a ‘light lager’ is just the sort of brew meant to be enjoyed while lazing on the beach or pounding em back at a college party, what are Floridian beer snobs expected to do? There are many reasons for this barren beer landscape: Florida has a heterogenous mixture of transplant residents with no strong preference for any particular variant of tasty brew, it has the general lack of unique local restaurant chains that could be tempted to serve craft brews (Outback steakhouse and Hooter’s both started in the Tampa Bay area), and a dearth of local craft brewers. Luckily for Floridians, that last driver for the formation of a ‘light lager crowd’ is beginning to fall apart. Craft breweries are starting up all across the sunshine state (there’s a list at the bottom!), and some are producing downright sensational products. One in particular, Cigar City Brewing, is stepping up to the Craft Brew microphone and making a lot of noise.
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In Florida, the first weekend in March is usually a Northerner’s fantasy… highs in the 70s, fat old sun shining away, birds bigger than they ought to be lazily picking critters out of serene swamps… but something significant is missing this year. It’s not the snowboards slowly playing shuffleboard in West Palm Beach, and it’s not shark attacks (although their number is down significantly). There is a very quiet ghost roaming South Florida, one whose glorious life was short but beautiful, and meaningful to many people around the world. March 6 2010 is the two-year anniversary of the death of a very good friend… In 2009, Langerado, Florida’s premier music festival, was canceled indefinitely, with little chance of ever occurring again.
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THIS JUST IN: FLORIDA NOW 35% COVERED IN WRITHING, ANGRY SNAKES
Pet pythons placed in peri-urban waterways have found their way to the Everglades, and are thus slowly winding their way around Mother Nature’s pale, exposed throat, settling in for a joyless, reptilian kill. Many thought it a hoax when five years ago, a difficult to comprehend photograph surfaced on the internet… one in which a fifteen to twenty foot long snake had apparently consumed a sizable alligator, but in the last frantic throes of the insanity of death, the alligator had exploded from the gullet of the snake, leaving behind a pile of gore the likes of which not seen since Vietnam. Mankind is now embroiled in a war with an enemy which society has used as a symbol of evil since the dawn of time, and the battleground is America’s last bastion of child-friendly entertainment.
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I am trying hard not to slip into an episode of caps lock right now. But I have received news of an amazing raffle going on here in the gunshine state. FloridaInshoreAngler.com is raffling this thing:
Is that a….CHOPPER MADE OUT OF A GATOR? SORRY I COULD NOT TYPE IT WITHOUT CAPS. BUT WHAT IS THIS CROC ROCKET (HAH) (HAH) WORTH???
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Last Saturday, the finest event in sports came to Tampa’s Raymond James Stadium for an unforgettable night of competition, pageantry, and triumph. The world’s trials and tribulations were put on hold at exactly 7:30pm, when the lights were lowered, the crowd tore its teeth out with anticipation, and the grumble of the competitors’ guts grew into an eardrum-splitting frenzy not heard since that one time Mt. Olympus exploded and buried all those people in red-hot liquid diamonds. MONSTER JAM HAD BEGUN.
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Most lottery winners say something to the effect of “…the money won’t change me,” or “I’m still on a budget”. But what most lottery winners don’t anticipate is that though they may not change themselves, others may change them. And if there were no others to begin with, there will be soon enough. Abraham Shakespeare claims to have given the last three dollars in his wallet to a homeless man just minutes before his winning lottery numbers were called. On Thursday, his remains were excavated from a shallow grave under a concrete slab behind a rural Plant City building. This is a true story of envy, greed, murder, and circumstances that seem to be straight out of a Norman Mailer novel. This is the strange fate of Abraham Shakespeare.
Photo: Shakespeare’s mug shot (AP)
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Good beer, bagpipes, and large men in kilts. That’s what was expected, anyway, of the 2010 Central Florida Scottish Highland Games.
Upon admission, the sight that presented itself was that of a common fairground: food, beverage, and novelty vendors strewn about a large field, wrapping around the various event areas. Scottish goods were abound: kilts (of course), weaponry, pottery, and even energy drinks called out to the curious passerby. At a stage setup in the very rear, a band played what could best be described as Scottish grunge rock, complete with bagpipes and kilts.
Overall, while the Highland Games had its letdowns, large men in kilts tossing heavy objects is worth $15 any day of the week.
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UPDATE – Anyone in Florida knows it has been cold (as fuck) for the last few weeks, with some all-time lows being endured. It’s warming up now (Florida winter = 2 weeks), but please enjoy Aaron’s rant.
It’s a well-worn cliche… it just doesn’t get cold in Florida. Florida is just one big sunny beach with Cubans walking around handing out free Dos Equis and cigars to people partying on skyscraper rooftops at 8:30 AM on a Tuesday morning in February. Pop punk bands write songs about how Floridians are so deprived of the splendor of quiet snowfall. Tourists (aka snowbirds) come from around the world to experience the mild winter and shovel out their hard earned money for a go on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, but I’ve got news for them, for you, and for the nasally singer guy from New Found Glory: it gets cold in Florida. In fact, it is cold as FUCK right now.
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About the Book
Samuel Shaw lives in an age of total availability – his toaster burns the Birth of Venus onto his breakfast, a Handroid does his laundry and dishes, and his beautiful new wife holds the future of the world in a neat little file in her mind… Bianca is a galloping genre-bender, a gripping near-future love story, often sardonic, humorous, philosophical, touching, and tragic. It’s Lolita meets Blade Runner, without the critical acclaim of either of those masterpieces. This is Aaron Rogge’s first book.
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